Charisma Minus Manipulation

Charisma is…well….charismatic! (And an exceptionally beneficial skill to have in public speaking.) 

What is charisma, anyway? Webster says, "Charisma is a special magnetic charm or appeal." We feeeeeeel charisma. It's not easy to define, but we all recognize it when we see it. Its charm is so powerful that it inspires others to be attracted to your ideas, something we all want more of in our lives. 

While some may be naturally inclined to be charismatic, the rest of us can learn. In essence, it's simply a particular mentality combined with the application of specific skills that elicit a specific response in others. 

While developing charisma, we have to be careful not to become manipulative. It's easy to use manipulation to engage and convince our audience. But it's a door that, once it's open, it's hard to close. 

In this post, I'll discuss the following:

1. How can you improve your charismatic public speaking skills, and what are the benefits of doing so?
2. How do you avoid being manipulative in your professional life? 

Let's start with improving your charismatic public speaking skills. Over the years, this is what I've learned about charismatic people: 

1) Charm like there's no tomorrow. At their core, a charismatic individual is someone who's very charming. Also, they use this charming characteristic to influence others to act indirectly. Here are multiple ways you can be more charming: 

-When you enter a room, show people you're genuinely glad to see them. 

-Since eyes are the windows to the soul, put away your cell phone and make sure you're genuinely making a connection through eye contact. 

-Figure out a way to offer a genuine compliment. It should not be a B.S. or artificial comment, but be honest and sincere. 

-Be comfortable in your skin. Charming people almost always appear relaxed and grounded in who they are. 

2) Bold and confident. Even if we are anxious, we must figure out how to turn our anxiety into excitement to be bolder and more confident. We can boost our confidence by doing things as simple as smiling, speaking, having good posture, and utilizing proper hand gestures. 

3) Precise persuasiveness. Charismatic individuals know how to persuade others. Suppose you think of some of the most memorable leaders in the last century, maybe Winston Churchill, JFK, Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr., Margaret Thatcher, or Ronald Reagan. You will find that they all knew how to persuade others. Here are some attributes they all had in common: 

-They knew how to inspire others to act through their words.

-They were persistent and did not give up easily. 

-They understood the concept of reciprocity, which is when others are willing to help you since you first helped them. 

The funny thing is, you will always be "too" something for someone. Too bold! Too calm! Too short! Too tall! Too young! Too old! Be too good for it to matter! You become "good" by having charisma. Heck, if you have charisma, you can hold others' attention, make them feel special, and then persuade them to do whatever. It's not hard to see how being charismatic can take your career to a whole new level. 

How to Communicate Without Being Manipulative 

After being in the political world for 12+ years, I've seen my share of manipulative people. Some politicians are like professional wrestlers; they treat public policy like a show! I've seen people give a persuasive speech on stage, then get down and entirely (privately) disagree with what they just said. Regardless of what side of the aisle you're on, there is no denying that there are manipulative people on both sides. 

Misleading people is morally unacceptable; eventually, people catch on to what's happening. People can't manipulate and hide behind lies forever, so it's not a good long-term strategy. 

That said, I've thought back to all the manipulative people I've seen and how they share similar traits over the years. 

Here are some of the traits that manipulators share: 

1. They rely on half-truths. Most manipulators would be tricky to prosecute in a court of law since they are very strategic with their words. They merge half-truths with reality and conveniently leave out specific details to sell their case. 
2. There is an intense lack of boundaries. Individuals who I would describe as "master manipulators" lack moral boundaries and are willing to say and do anything to craft their messages. 
3. Use guilt as a dagger. One of the most potent forces behind manipulation is guilt. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who utilize "guilt trips" to manipulate others. 

Understanding these traits will make it easier to spot when someone is intentionally manipulative. 

Instead of trying to manipulate people, I challenge you to inspire those around you! 

Here are some thoughts to help move others to buy-in to your ideas: 

1. Honesty is the best policy. You do NOT need to make up situations and lie to communicate persuasively. By being authentic and honest with people, you're putting yourself in a position to make a genuine connection with someone. 
2. Stop the "blame game." Blaming others is rarely seen as a desirable leadership trait. Most people detest hearing someone blame others for their shortfalls. Instead, take responsibility for your actions. 
3. Avoid passive-aggressive behavior. Unfortunately, many people try to be sneaky about finding ways to get people to do what they want. Instead of inspiring people through their stories, they try to find passive-aggressive ways to manipulate others. This behavior does not build trust, is wrong, and does not inspire anyone to act. 

I challenge you to work hard to eliminate every manipulative tendency you might have. Instead of relying on manipulation, focus on inspiration and charisma. People want to be uplifted and inspired; they don't want to be used. Improve your charisma, and you will become a more engaging and compelling public speaker. 

P.S. Recently, I launched a free 5-Day Storytelling Challenge aimed at helping individuals master the art of storytelling.

Whether you're looking to boost sales, enhance marketing, or captivate audiences in meetings, this challenge is for you.

To sign up, go HERE.